Happy birthday Alex! It's one of the most happiest days of my life! You are so beautiful! I can't stop looking at you! And holding you! You are the greatest gift from God that you dad and I have ever gotten! We are so privileged to be your parents! The greatest joy I've ever experienced is holding you and calling you my daughter. It puts a smile on my face every time! We are so grateful to have you finally come! You came a few days before my birthday! You are the best early birthday present that I could ever have! I'm so thankful that we can welcome you into the world with a beautiful peaceful environment, our very own home in a gentle, loving, natural, patient and so peaceful way. We are so thankful for a beautiful home birth!
My birth journey was much different as a mom than most in my day. Like many stories, your birth story started with mine. I was born very differently than you. Unlike a peaceful healthy birth you experienced, I was born at a hospital. I was born as an emergency c-section resulting an infection as newborn. I knew that I wanted better for you. I did not want a c-section for you. I wanted you to be born the safest, healthiest way possible which is vaginally. So I started on a journey for truth and research like crazy. I did not want a c section for you. I wanted to reduce my chances and risk for c section as much a humanly possible. I found out that epidural and inductions result in higher complications most commonly fetal distress from a reduced heart rate resulting in c section. Vaginal natural birth are the best for the baby. Imagine that?! Lol. Thus, I had decided to do it naturally without medical tampering, just as God designed. I am so thankful I discovered this on my own. The obs I chated with grossly undermined the risks for complications. (Not all do but most do in my experience). As I later discovered, this is because they are surgeons. Unlike a midwive, they feel more comfortable with surgery and it's easily practiced in medical school. so I naturally grativated towards a practionars who'd support my decision. Along with the affordable price, this lead me to look for a midwife. I interview thousands it felt like. Overwhelmed, I turned to friend who've had home birth. Along with my research, I discovered the best midwife is one vast amount of experience with at least 100 births, preferable with education, certification of CNM, neonatal restitation training, leadership, and the ability to keep calm under pressure while still being compassionate. I narrowed down to just two: One was in the hospital and the other at home. The one in the hospital had limited experience. I also realized that if I had the temptation of the epidural right by me that I'd succumb to it, ( not out of pain just exhaustion). I realized the home birth midwife had more experience and met all my other qualifications along with high recommendations throughout the community. This decision to do it at home put me and your dad into a panic. There are a lot of negative stereotypes and misconceptions about birth not to mention my own fear, I had to battle. So of course, I did what I always seem to do - go Into research mode. I discovered that natural un-tampered birth is quite safe and risk of complications are very low despite popular belief. I also found that homebirth is safe, legal, affordable, high success rate for breastfeeding, and not to mention so comfortable! A bonus! My birthing class hypnobabies also gave me more resources. There i learned that being comfortable in birth is so important to progress. I knew I wouldn't be comfortable in the hospital; thus my labor would stall and resulting in a c-section. At home, I knew I would be comfortable and have a more peaceful birth. I also found that the newborn care at home is safer, gentler. Despite what my family thought, I felt that this was what God was leading me to do. My peace from God Confimed this. Don't get me wrong. I was still scared! A verse comforted me during this time was -"
I write all this so you know how much I love you. I want what best for you. I want you to know all the thought I went through, the preparation, and precaution. And the values and knowledge I'd like to past down to you someday. I am so thankful for the few women who encouraged me through this whole lonely process.
As my pregnancy progressed into the later week, I really wanted the privalage to experience your birth. I wanted to be apart of it in the most intrical way possible. I was worried that wouldnt get to experience if I was in the hospital having a c section. I've talked to women who didn't get to experience natural birth ever. It's so sad. They never knew what it's like. There's a sadness in their eyes like they missed out. It's one of life's most Impowering experiences that prepares women to become moms. As I was approaching 42.5 weeks, it was looking like my chance of a homebirth were decreasing which was disheartening. We relied on Gods timing and his plan. I knew that even if we had to go to the hospital, we were ready with a birth plan and that God would go before us either way. Looking back now Gods timing was perfect. He knew I needed the extra weeks to prepare. I didn't feel really at 40 weeks like my friends. I'm thankful for the extra two weeks to prepare physically and let you grow to your full potential. I'm so grateful that our midwife was patient unlike obs and some friends who were pushing for an induction. Thankfully, You came right when we turn 42.5 weeks! Enough pre natal talk, So get to the good stuff already!
At last! here's how it went-
On that Tuesday, I woke up to a beautiful day. I had a great night sleep and felt good. Having a good night sleep was a huge answer to prayer. I so needed it. I kept thinking can't do this without a full night sleep. Besides your safety that was my biggest prayer. That morning, we went to our midwife appointment to check on you. We were hoping it would be our last appointment. We were getting worried. We had a few stress tests so we knew you were ok. But as I was approaching 43 weeks, we were running out of time. We were only a few days away from having to get induced. We were running out of options. So Cyndi did the last thing possible, a stretch and sweep. It is to help broaden the cervix and to coax you come out naturally. It was our last option for a home birth. This gave me really hard cramps. She had us go for a brisk walk which was he last thing I wanted to do. It was so necessary though. Your dad helped me along the whole walk. Afterwards, we went home. At home, I was just pretty strong cramps that afternoon. They were strong enough that I needed to lay down. At that point, cyndi wanted me to time the contractions or "pressure waves" throughout the day. It was really easy to with an app I downloaded. They came and went varying in intensity with no real pattern. Your dad was worried and wanted to come home. I told him I was fine but to come home early. Looking back, I think My body was secretly waiting for him to get home. Next time, I'm having him come home early! Lol. Maybe I would've birthed during the day? That would've been nice! Anyway when he got home, We had dinner like normal and were relaxing on the couch afterwards like usual.
That night, my water broke at 8 pm. It sounded like a pop. It kinda felt like a really hard kick. The noise scared me. It didn't hurt. I was way surprised, sacred, & really really nervous even shaking! I was super nervous since I knew you were really coming soon! I didn't know if it was my water breaking or you kicking! I wasn't sure it was a water breaking because the discharge wasn't very much. i always thought it was more like a flood like in the movies! Lol. I guess thats just Hollywood not real life. Ha! By then, We called cyndi and she decided it was time to come over.
A few hours later, my Contractions were picking up. They were getting stronger and more frequent. They were very intense and strong pressure. They were not painful- like little waves of stubbing your toe but in your stomach. not like unbearable pain let say from a broken foot. They felt like intense waves of constipation. It was very uncomfortable. It kept saying that I wanted to get comfortable and kept rolling over to find a comfy spot. Any position I was in was so uncomfortable. They took all my engery to stay calm and breathe through them. I wasn't able too even with changing positions. They were to the point that I wanted to stay in bed. It was helpful to breathe through them and not fight them. since I was gbs positive, cyndi started my antibiotics through an IV. It wasn't that bad. It was a little prick and more annoying. It was nice to lay in bed while she was doing that.I couldn't move my arm for a bit. It didn't last long. I was more focused on the contractions which we called pressure waves.
Your dad was by my side every minute. He was just amazing. He was coaching and relaxing me every minute. He kept me focused on relaxing and speaking hypno scripts we've been practicing. He was so supportive and told me that i can do it. I couldn't have done it without him! I wanted to give up so many times especially when contractions got intense. Your dads confidence in me was what kept me going. His presence was my strength. I also broke down at Cyndi and told her that I couldn't go on. I wanted to give up. All She said is that i can do one more. She kept saying to me, "just one more"! She encouraged me to focus on that the whole time. It seemed do- able for me to look at labor like baby steps and made it not seem so overwhelming.
At this point, contractions felt almost on unbearable in intensity and pressure. But we kept deep breathing and relaxing through them. I used my voice to focus and feel more in control. your dad kept reminding me to use the deep vowel sounds that we learned in birthing class - ah etc. it was hard not to fight them and not intense up. It's kind of like stubbing your toe how it's hard not to lose it. Im glad i used this time to conserve my energy. Suddenly, I had this urge to have someone call the moms and photographer. They barely made it into the room! I loved having them there. But I felt like eyes were staring at me and also made the pressure to preform a lot more. However, I wanted to share the experience with them. To see a grandchild born is a special experience I hope I have someday!!
By that time, My labor slowed down from laying down too much. So cyndi suggested a new position. So i went into the bath. After a while, I got out. It just wasn't comfortable like I thought. I always pictured a beautiful water birth. but, I didn't like laying on my back in the tub. It didn't feel right in the water. The only position that I felt somewhat good in was laying down. so I got out and went back to the bed. As I was laying there, cyndi told me to up and we ended up squatting on the floor. It was so uncomfortable there. I wanted to climb back in bed. I knew squatting is the best position for pushing you out so I went along with it. I could feel you coming like a burning sensation descending down.
All of a sudden, I felt like I wanted to push. It felt like wanting to pass a bowel movement. I felt super constipated. The contractions were different now and were less painful. Cyndi had me get up to use gravity to help get you out. So I was in a semi seated position on the floor holding on to the bed. I felt more supported that way seated on my legs. I started to feel more and more pushy. i didn't feel contractions. Cyndi let me know that it's a different game now- that I need to push and rest when I could. I pushed with all that I had. It felt like a intense workout! I was getting hot and sweaty. I rested when I could. it felt great to have a break and no intense contractions. I would feel waves a wanting to push and a lot of stretching down there. It didn't hurt. it was intense pressure and stretching. it was a little stingy on the outside of the skin. I pushed even when I didn't feel like it. Big mistake! But I wanted to be done so bad and was so tired. It felt like your head was already close. I was surprised you weren't out yet. So id push even longer and harder. I felt the ring of fire. It was like a tingling skin feeling. but i kept pushing. Cyndi said that she could see ur head! And all of a sudden, I felt this liquidy object and you gushed out so quickly. You were finally here!! Our midwife caught you. And there was a long pause as we were waiting to hear signs of life. It was the longest pause of my life! And then you cried and reached up like you were reaching up to find me.
After your birth, I collapsed in his arms exhausted. Pushing was such a workout! Cyndi quickly handed you to me. You were so slippery from your vernix that I almost dropped you! I brought you to my chest. Meeting you and holding you for the first time was the most wonderful thing ever! I can't even put words to it. Holding you felt like soaking up loving sunshine on my much needed soul. Feeling your warmth and little body breathing felt amazing. I didn't want to let you go! I felt complete. And I couldnt take my eyes off of you! I was so stunned how beautiful you are! You were so pink and have beautiful skin! You had long hair and nails. You were born that morning 7 lbs 10 oz and 20 inches just like your dad! I was so relieved, exhausted, and thankful you were finally here. I could see your sweet face and hold you to my chest. It made it all worth it. It was the moment I was looking forward get to for a long time! I felt like crying tears of joy but was to exhausted. I kept soothing you by saying "mommy is here" over and over. I looked down and you were sucking your thumb! it was so cute!
After that, I thought I was done. Yay you were here! But cyndi informed me that we still had the placenta! I said-"Oh you got to be kidding!" Thankfully it was way easier. After delivering the placenta, They moved me to the bed where I held you to my chest. It was so I increditable to be in my own bed relaxing with my new daughter and dear hubby. It felt so surreal. I'll i wanted to do was hold you close. I was loving our skin to skin time there to. In those moments, I felt complete. I couldn't let you go. I didn't want it to end! In this picture, we are nursing for the first time! Thankfully, Cyndi showed me how to nurse laying down which was a total life saver. I kept having really strong contractions after birth. So laying down to nurse was such a relief. I was so so exhausted. Thankfully, the wonderful surge of endorphins kicked in and was incredible kick of energy.
Wow, it's so hard to describe all the flurry of emotions. It was awfully beautiful and challenging. I am so blessed that I had this amazing birthing experience. It was an answer to prayer. It is the hardest thing I've ever achieved. I have so much grown from this experience as more confident woman, reall a birth of a new mom. Birthing prepared me to become your mom and strengthened you to come in to the world healthly. It prepared me to be a mom in the best way possible. I understand why cyndi favorite quote is-“Birth is not only about making babies. Birth is about making mothers--strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength.” Cyndi was right! She's was so proud of me. And your dad!!
I am so thankful your birth went so peacefully and smoothly. I am proud that we did it naturally like God designed. We are so thankful you were ok and had no complications. We were so relieved that you finally came on your own without inducing and that didn't have to make that tough decision. Cyndi mentioned that you didn't show signs of being overdo. So it was so good that we waited until you were ready. Otherwise you would have been born premature, low weight and probably been in the neque. we are very relieved and it was a huge answer to prayer! We had it pretty easy- labor was only 8 hours and pushed for only 30 minutes. Then you were here!
Your dad and i couldn't be happier that you're here and our new lives together. Were family now which is a dream come true for me. I see him looking down at you and i can see the un descriptable love he has for you even with the challenges of being a new parent. With you in our lives, We both have fallen more in love with each other all over again as we love you. Thank you for making us parents. It's the best hardest thing we've ever done! We are so excited to watch you grow. get so emotional just thinking how much i love you and what a blessing you are in our lives. Love you so much sweet pea! More than you'll ever know!
Happy beautiful birthday to us sweet baby girl!
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